Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
