I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
