god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Say something about gay babies.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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