There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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