Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
