i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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