If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize