I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
