So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
