life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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