just tell him i said nine months
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
