Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
