So drunk its hurt
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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