I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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