he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im part way to drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
