You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
