i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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