Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
