I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
