just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
