Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
