Im at strip club and am horny
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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