Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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