So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Michael Bay diarrhea
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
