ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
