when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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