just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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