I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
that may or may not have been my penis.
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