Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
