WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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