today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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