We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
