I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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