OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
