thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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