Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
