So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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