She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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