Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You left your phone here
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