Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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