look no pants
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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