You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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