My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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