$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need a beard to bite.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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