i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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