i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
