I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
