I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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