New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
