rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
