remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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