So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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