I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
