I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
