i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
