uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just cut my nipple shaving
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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