Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
