Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
