yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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