im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
