i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
