My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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