Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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