i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
