my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
