Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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