shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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