i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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