yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
