I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
