thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
