the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
