It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
