Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
